Confession: I love my boyfriend, but most of the time, he’s an asshole. If you’re like me and want him show your guy who’s boss without having to take the time to explain to him why, there’s no better way than tickling him until he feels the shame of an unplanned poop. Try these tickle techniques on to tease him ’til he lets a little one out:
1. The Setup
Start with an unbalanced meal. Treat your significant other to a case of White Castle Burgers or a Lamb Vindaloo before you go in for the tickle. For guaranteed results, mix some Miralax into his root beer float.
2. The Trap
The key here is restraint. Zip-tie restraints. Lure your victim to bed and promise him a kinky night to remember. Restrain his arms and legs. Lock the doors and don’t let him get away while you tickle for hours and hours and hours. If nothing happens, force-feed him yogurt.
3. The Feather
Put that old quill to use! Brush lightly on his inner thigh. Stroke his inner ear. Get that feather up in his nasty old toes! Never stop until poop is trickling down his leg.
4. Use Party Favors
Grab a few party blowers and aim the coil to extend to his nipples. The key is blowing gently and not letting the party get too wild. Massage his stomach while blowing.
5. Get some help!
Rub some peanut butter on his belly and let your dog lick it off! For best results, train your dog to lick as hard as possible.
6. The Ten Finger Rapid-fire Surprise
The finishing move to end all finishing moves, this technique utilizes his energy meridians and gets all of your fingers going buck-wild! Go five digits on his neck and five on his armpit! Switch to five on his left foot and five on his right. Change positions every ten seconds. All the while keep whispering “tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle” until he reaches his peak. Poop everywhere.
Once your partner is sufficiently soiled, leave him to think about what he’s done. And get your dog out of there, because who knows what she’ll eat.