You and Ethan have been together for so long now that even your sister forgets you aren’t married yet. That Rolex you bought him for his birthday as a metaphor for your ticking biological clock wasn’t enough to get the message across, so it’s time to get that train moving with some more obvious hints. It’s time use a medium that’ll really get is attention – Pinterest! Here are some boards that say, “I’m ready to lock it the fuck down, Ethan.”
“Meals I’ll Cook One Day”
This is your chance to pin every single recipe you find: Meatloaf. Lemon crepes. Chicken Piccata. Grilled Cheese. This will make Ethan think that when you settle down, you’ll finally make him a real meal. Tell an embellished story about how sweet you thought it was when your own mom cooked meals for your dad when he got home from work, when in reality she complained about it every night. Maybe pass on actually making Ethan that meatloaf, though, because his mom made that for him all the time and yours will never live up to hers.
“Places I’d Like to Live”
With a combination of exterior and interior shots of his hometown in the fall, this board is a sign that you wouldn’t mind living next door to his parents, which is his ideal for him because he loves his mom. He’ll be over the moon for this board, which will conveniently be deleted after the engagement party. If he ever brings it up, create a new board, but include more exotic places and urban centers where you actually want to live. Ethan knows contradicting you on something like this will only increase stress already brought on by planning the wedding, so he’ll let it slide.
“ I Told Myself, ‘No Wedding Boards!’”
Even though you deleted your original wedding board when you met Ethan, fearful your desire for commitment would scare him off before you made it to a second date, it’s time to revamp the white dresses and floral wedding cakes! Giving it this self-aware title says, “I definitely want to get married and have the perfect venue and vows will make him cry, wedding boards are SO AWKWARD, right??” It lets him think marriage was his idea all along! Then once he is finally ready, you’ll be prepared with thousands of pinned items.
“ Fashion for my Bae-by”
Everyone on Pinterest has one fashion blog for herself and one for her bae, but this one is actually devoted to your future babies. Fill this board with so many booties and bibs and onesies that your ovaries start crying out with anticipation. He’ll mosey on over to this board thinking it contains hints to his next birthday present, then suddenly realize what you really want to give him is the gift of fatherhood. This is a crucial push in letting Ethan know that it’s time to get married and knock you the fuck up.
“ Christmastime <3”
This board is only photos of Die Hard film stills. It is his favorite movie. He realizes now that it is also your favorite movie. You’ve Got Mail is definitely not your favorite movie. Ethan will feel it in his gut that it’s time to finally pop the question. If John and Holly can work things out, you two will always be able to work things out. So get ready to shout, “YIPPEE-KI-YAY MOTHERFUCKER!” when Ethan gets down on his ready-for-commitment knee.
There’s no better way to woo a man than with a carefully crafted Pinterest board. So start pinning and plotting, and he’ll be yours in no time.