I asked you to go to the flea market last Sunday and you said you couldn’t because you were “catching up on stuff” and had been “crazy busy lately.” Sounds legit. But then I saw you on Instagram getting your nails done with Julie that same day. Maybe you meant you were “catching up on Julie”. I told myself it must have been a pity hangout due to her recent breakup, so I let that one slide.
The next Friday, you told me you couldn’t meet up for drinks because you “weren’t feeling great” and needed to rest up after another “crazy busy” week. Cue your slap-in-the-face Facebook status the next afternoon: “I need some green juice, stat! #ugh #hungover.” Do you think I’m a fucking idiot? You obviously went out without me and don’t you dare try to tell me you meant you were “#hungover” on NyQuil. Are you just “crazy busy” being a terrible friend?!
Finally, in a desperate attempt this week, I asked if you wanted to meet up ANY time – for coffee, for lunch, after work, you name it – and you said you couldn’t because you were, get this: “crazy busy.” But on Tuesday night, when I stopped by your house on my way home from cardio ballet, parked on the street outside your apartment, and turned my headlights off, do you know what I saw?! I saw YOU re-watching episodes of the last season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Really Nikki? RERUNS, NIKKI? I’m less important than RERUNS OF REAL HOUSEWIVES? That is not the behavior of a “crazy busy” person, NIKKI! I see right through you, NIKKI! You’re so full of shit NIKKI!
Look Nikki, I don’t mean to freak out. If you wanna grab sushi this week just PLEASE RETURN MY TEXTS WITH SOME CONCRETE PLANS NIKKI! NO BULLSHIT THIS TIME!!