Nancy Grace Gets her Eyebrows Insured

Nancy Grace confirms CNN has taken out a policy to insure her sensational eyebrows, known for their ability to indicate the salacious immorality of news stories. At $2 million dollars per brow, the CNN commentator and controversial media personality is insuring her livelihood in expressions that say, “kidnappings are disgusting” and “how could you murder someone for pizza?”
“Nancy’s outraged looks are key to our brand,” claims one CNN producer.  “Fear mongering is impossible without those demonizing, heavily lined brows. If she starts to look friendly, viewers won’t be able to distinguish victims from criminals. We’d lose it all.”
Grace follows in the footsteps of fellow news personality Bill O’Reilly, who recently paid millions to insure his own smug smile.