Makeup Tips for your Open-Casket Funeral

So you’re dead. But the most important thing in life is making sure you always look better than all of your friends – why should that stop when you die? Make sure you’re the hottest person at your own funeral with these enlivening makeup tips:


Bigger, Sexier, Less Dead Eyes
For years, your exes have been saying you have a slightly dead-behind-the-eyes disposition. And now you’re dead and hoping those fuckers feel like shit for ever saying anything bad about you. Prove to them they never should have dumped you by looking hotter than ever, even though you’re dead. Use a dark-colored liner and add a shimmery shadow to make your lifeless eyes truly ‘pop’.


Lips So Pillowy You Could Sleep On Them…For Eternity
Use a colorless lip balm on that little space between your no-longer-breathing nose and the peaks of your upper lip to create the illusion of fuller lips that’ll make all the men want to lean into your casket and kiss you passionately goodbye. Don’t forget to apply a moisturizing lipstick because corpse lips are super pale and dry and no one wants to kiss that.



Skin That Looks Like Blood Is Still Coursing Through Your Veins
When you die, there is no more blood moving around inside of you, which can make your skin look lifeless and dead. Cover up that chalky mess with a great bronzer and blush up those deflated cheeks. Don’t forget to apply concealer to any wounds or blemishes that may or may not have contributed to your premature death!


Killer Brows
There’s nothing more important in death than making people jealous of your eyebrows. Use a tinted cream to fill out those arches. You’ll make that one bitch at your funeral so jealous of your eyebrow game that she’ll start to wish you were alive just so they could kill you for your perfect brows.


You may not have been considered “The Hot One’ in your friend group while you were living, but you have one more shot before hitting up the afterlife. You can guarantee all eyes will be on you at your funeral, so make sure you’re looking your absolute best, or else no one will want to take selfies next to your casket and that’s just embarrassing.