Did you know that using your man’s balls for non-reproductive tasks have been proven to substantially cut the cost and timing of household chores, beauty routines, and other menial tasks? Maintain your home, time management, and bank account by using those two seemingly useless tools that you never thought you’d actually need for anything. Life hacks!
Remove Under-Eye Bags with Balls
How do other women seem so wide-awake all the time? Maybe they’re using this ballsy trick. Conceal the fact that you’ve stayed up all night binge-watching Heart of Dixie by placing your boyfriend’s balls in the refrigerator for 20 minutes, then place them directly on your puffy eyes. Apply a substantial amount of pressure to the bags. For best results, perform this handy trick on a “five minutes on, five minutes off” rotation for about two hours.
Press Collars and Shirt Cuffs with Balls
There is nothing worse than a wrinkled blouse collar or mangled shirt cuff, so get your man’s balls involved! Simply place any shirt collar or cuff (you can find more detailed instructions on the label) between his naturally clammy testicles, and press firmly as you move them along the wrinkles and creases. This works best if his balls are slightly damp for a smoother finish!
Hold Your Spot on a Roll of Masking Tape with Balls
How many nails have been broken or chipped while searching for the beginning of a roll of masking tape? Put an end to this epidemic by using your boyfriend’s pudgy nads as a firm place-keeper! After ripping off a piece of masking tape, place a dry ball where you left off for an easy grip-‘n-rip the next time you need to seal up a bag of Maltesers! This life-saving trick also works great with duct tape.
Kick Junk Food Cravings with Balls
The only thing more off-putting than being a size 6 is the smell and taste of your boyfriend’s huevos, so combat that desire to immerse yourself into your snack drawer by wiping its contents down with that nasty sack. Drop as much as 20 pounds in four weeks by smearing his balls all over those evil foods. You better believe that the faint smell of ball residue and few measly pubes will turn you off from wanting to finish that row of Oreos ever again.
Convert Military to Standard Time with Balls
Studies have shown that fidgeting with an object in your hands while figuring out complex mental math helps cognitive function tremendously. As you subtract 1200 from 2100 to calculate normal-people time, lightly toss his balls around in your hand until you’ve completed the equation. This life hack can also be used when trying to calculate tips or splitting bills in restaurants.
Next time you’re wondering what the heck to do with your boyfriend’s superfluous stones, try one of these and finally lead the life of efficiency that you always dreamed of!