Our computers can be handy for things like recipes, homework help, and our pornography. But could your husband’s pornography be getting in the way of your own pornography? For many women, their husband’s stash is taking up valuable space and bandwidth on their home computers – and they’re not happy about it.
“A quiet night at home used to mean I could rub one out,” says one anonymous woman. “But now, I have to compete with my husband for who gets to the basement computer first.”
Is your husband’s dirty movie habit getting in the way or your dirty movie habit? Know the signs before it gets out of control:
When his pornography can sap your sex life – with yourself.
“When I first started dating Jack, I used to look at porn maybe two, three times a day,” says Mary, 28. She knew that her solo sex life would decrease once they were married – “it’s practically a cliché” – but she was not prepared for how much.
“Lately, I’ll be lucky if I look at porn even once a month.”
Like many women Mary first blamed herself. Maybe she wasn’t making enough time for it. Maybe she was too focused on her kids or her career. But eventually, Mary realized that the real culprit behind her decrease in Internet porn-watching was her husband’s increase in Internet porn watching. “I sound like an old maid, but it’s true: This ‘phone porn in the bathroom’ thing is not the same as on a desktop.”
You try to make it special, but he ruins it with ironic parody porn.
Doug* and Suzanne* live outside of Dallas, TX. Suzanne had noticed that she hadn’t looked at pornography in awhile and she decided she wanted to set aside one special night for it. She arranged for the kids to be at her sister’s and she picked up a bottle of pinot grigio on her way home from work. She took a long shower and put on her silk robe. She sprinkled rose petals on the bed. She was ready for an endless night of masturbating to her favorite amateur threesomes (she enjoys the problem-solving aspect). There was only one problem: Her husband was using their family’s only computer watching the porn version of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations. “I ended up finishing the wine and falling asleep,” says Suzanne*, while grinding against the washing machine.
His vanilla tastes are cramping your kinky style.
Even when women are able to find the time for porn, they often find that it has been influenced by their husband’s porn viewing. “I used to watch the real perverted shit, and that was enough for me,” says Elizabeth*, 34. “But my husband’s pornography has given me these unrealistic expectations of what sex should be. It’s not enough to just watch two European coeds torture each other anymore. Now I have to walk in and find my husband watching videos of two people having vaginal intercourse.” She wipes away a tear. “And I’m just supposed to be okay with that?”
If these situations sound familiar to you, the first step is realizing you’re not alone. Make sure he knows pornography is important to you and schedule times with him that will be your porn times. Keep these sacred.
Remember that any marriage can fall apart due to an porn imbalance. Tell him, “I deserve respect,” by asserting your needs as well.