So he’s a deadbeat loser, and you’re a woman. But how do you dress to impress him? Is he a surly gamer who lives in his parent’s basement, or is he an ego-driven workaholic who treats women as objects? Whatever variety of wrong he is, you have the power to wear a knockout outfit to wow even the worst of men.
Your Sister’s Ex
You know he’s bad news! Nothing good can come of this, but a classic pair of “fuck me” boots will let him know that you’re willing to break a few rules for a passionate love affair that nearly everyone in your lives will frown upon. A tall pair of black leather will tell him that you are zipped and ready for a huge sexual mistake.
Guy With Chinstrap
I don’t know why you think this guy is worth getting dressed up for. He lives in Montauk and still listens to 90s hardcore bands, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t meant for each other for a while until you realize you are two completely different people from completely different worlds! Chinstraps love an irrelevant band T-shirt. It’ll be just like high school all over again, except now there will be real consequences to his meth problem.
Rich in a Creepy Way
GIRL. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? Are you going to be his escort or something? All he wants is your affordable vagina and someone to tote around for meetings at the Harvard Club. Wear something tight and black and do not wear underwear.
She’s not even a guy! You aren’t even gay! What are you doing? Wear a cute romper because whatever!
You know how this one is going to end. Get tested—he’s got staph-resistant chlamydia and a whole lot of entitlement. You can wear basically anything.
Registered Sex Offender
What would your mother think if she knew you were doing this? Wear a warm sweater and a comfortable pair of jeans.
Do you really think he’s not going to take over your identity and leave you broke and wondering if your soul is still intact after this invasive and damaging affair? Wear a onesie.
Now that you’re on the fast track to ruining your life with yet another sorry mistake of a man, you at least have the right outfit to get him into your car!