How To Tell If The Girl You Hooked Up With Is Gay


Gay people are so in right now! But how do you know if the girl you just hooked up with is playing for the right team? Here are some surefire ways to tell if the girl you started humping on the regular is a genuine lesbian!


Did she pick you up with a #YesAllWomen joke?

In a Venn diagram, “feminist” and “lesbian” are basically concentric circles, so if she’s not constantly inviting you to SlutWalk NYC on Facebook then she isn’t fully prepared to be the Samantha Ronson to your Lindsey Lohan.
Did she mention sports while taking off your bra?

If seeing your balls of fun didn’t prompt her to tell you how she played baseball AND softball in high school then you definitely did not have sex with a dyke.

Did she reference The L Word or Melissa Etheridge during sex?

Gay people like to have sex in gay ways, so if she wasn’t serenading you with Melissa Etheridge B-sides between the sheets then she’s not a card-carrying homosexual. Lesbians also make at least three L Word references per orgasm.

Did she mutter, “I hate penis” while driving you home in her Subaru?

Everyone knows that to love ladies, you have to HATE dick. If the only men she enjoys the company of are her friends from her woodworking class, then she might be a legitimate homo.
Did you move in together?

If the girl who rocked your vagina didn’t immediately order a U-Haul and move into your apartment, she’s definitely not gay! She’s probably just a girl like you looking for a Rosie O’Donnell-type accessory.


The key to hooking up with a potential lesbian is to NEVER ask her about her sexual orientation. Lesbians hate talking about their identity.