How to Make the Top Layer of Your Crème Brûlée as Fragile as His Masculinity

It takes years to master the delicious French dessert of crème brûlée. With a rich cream custard base and a hard caramel sheet on top, this delicacy is notoriously hard to make, especially the crispy top layer. One easy guideline to finding the ideal level of brittleness and breakability is your man’s hard-surfaced yet completely fragile masculinity. Use these techniques so your crème brûlée appears to be thick and unyielding, but can easily crack with the mere touch of a spoon (or a mention of your ex). Here’s how to get a winning result:

 

Add Sugar to the Sides of Dish

Before you pour the custard into the dish, dust some sugar over the sides of the bowl to add crispness to the edges. Once baked, the caramelized sides will add the kind of support and coddling that the crust of this dessert needs, much like the masculine whisky drink your man needs to feel confident out at a bar. Heaven forbid they give him a straw!

 

Delicately Cover the Top with Sugar

Carefully use your fingers to sprinkle the sugar over the custard. But not too much! The top of the crème brûlée is extremely sensitive to any pressure, just how like your boyfriend gets when you ask him to articulate his emotions. We recommend sprinkling the sugar in a slow, circular motion to set the base for a crust that pretends to be hard but is very easily wounded.

 

 

Use a Kitchen Blowtorch

Use a handheld kitchen blowtorch on the sugar to create a smooth layer that will appear strong and unyielding but is actually brittle to the touch, much like the total breakdown of your man when you ask him to purchase tampons. Once a spoon hits, it’ll collapse right before your very eyes, like most of the toughness he puts on.

 

Give the Custard Some Time to Settle

Let the crème brûlée set for a just few minutes. It’s important to give it space so it doesn’t accuse you of being clingy, but don’t leave it out for too long or you’ll risk it cracking, because it just fucking needs you right now. Many people plate the brûlée dish on a top of a doily, but it might cause the dish to shift and break, just like your boyfriend did when you bought him a pink shirt. Pink is for girls!!!

 

Making the perfect crème brûlée with a delicate caramel layer is truly an art in and of itself, much like the art of keeping your man feeling manly. So nurture the process with our recommended techniques and it will be ready to serve, fronting its strength to your guests before quickly being demolished by the smallest of forces. Good luck!