How to Enjoy Milder Temperatures While Still Constantly Being Terrified by Climate Change

We all love those surprisingly beautiful days when everything and everyone seems abuzz with life. But, sometimes it’s hard to enjoy pleasant weather when you know it indicates a global apocalypse that no one with power will ever do enough to stop. So, here’s how to take advantage of unnaturally milder temperatures while you’re constantly paralyzed by the fear of climate change ending the world within your lifetime!

 

Go to the Beach

Head on down to the shore for some fun in the sun! Or, after all the polar ice caps melt and rising sea levels engulf vast swaths of land, just let the beach come to you! If you’re feeling up to it, take a dip in the water that is growing warmer (kinda nice), dirtier (bad), and more acidic (well that sounds extra bad) with each passing second. Maybe even bring a kite!

 

Walk Home from Work

A nice stroll during golden hour seems like an idyllic end to the workday. It’ll give you lots of time to think about how old people voters and billionaires just continue to fuck us over at every opportunity presented to their sooty little paws. Your life may be shortened by complications of climate change, but, wow, that sunset intensified by air pollution is absolutely gorg! Nothing matters now! Just live for this moment.

 

Get Your Floral On!

It’s that time of the year again! Well, not really, but plants are confused as hell and blooming in February. So pull out all the floral stops and let your inner forest nymph shine! But make sure to keep in mind that one day, maybe very soon, since all the insects are dying, there won’t be any flowers left. Or food. Just the buried remains of civilization and the wealthy that were able to escape and terraform Mars.

 

Shop at Your Local Farmers Market

Support local farmers this weekend by purchasing their organic and absolutely zero dairy or meat products! This little splurge will be extra fun, knowing that soon you will have to preserve your cash for the inevitable food shortages that will follow more extreme weather patterns and desertification. I hope you like corn and dust! If not, stop crying and mash up those blueberries. Just enjoy this day for what it is, okay?

 

Ride Bikes!

Ride, ride your beach cruiser along the coast, which is getting closer every day due to rising tides. Feel the wind in your hair and the ozone-less sun beating down your back. Go faster before the old white men kill us all! Faster!

 

 

So go outside, enjoy the pleasant temperatures, and just lose your goddamn mind over climate change! Your fun in the sun and existential fears are both equally valid!