How to be Casual as FUCK with Your Crush

Drunk Text - Reductress

So you have a crush – it’s not a big deal. CALM THE FUCK DOWN and follow these totally chill tips on how to stay casual and cool around your crush or whatever:

 

Casually count to 10,000 between your fucking texts.
No one likes someone who texts too much. And no one reciprocates a crush with someone who texts too much! This will leave approximately 166 minutes between texts so that you can seem like you’re just busy with friends or being cool or normal. Texts can include: “I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine. I love you.”

 

Run the FUCK into him “by accident.”
Everyone loves a cute-meet. Here’s a cute-cheat: Casually hack into his Seamless account, see where he orders food from most, and get a casual delivery job at that restaurant. Rent a wedding dress, and when he asks why you’re wearing a wedding dress, giggle, and say that white is your favorite color. Ask him his favorite color. Nonchalantly work it into a conversation later while wearing that color. Don’t forget to make eye contact.

 

Engage in casual-as-fuck conversation.
Men love a girl who can shut the fuck up and listen. Like a lovesick fruit bat, use echolocation to take in every word he is saying. You: “Hi!!!” Him: “Hi, have we met?” You: “Uh yeahhhh, we’ve met. Ahaha remember?” Also, don’t forget to laugh at everything he says, because you can’t spell ‘lolve’ without ‘lol’.

 

 

Send him a chill-as-fuck handwritten note letting him know how you feel.
Anything handwritten would be great and casual. And by handwritten I mean written on one of those fake severed hands so he really gets how casual and chill you are. Use a red pen that looks like blood just to be like “haha, get it?”

 

The key to being casual as FUCK is all in the casual details. So plan your moves carefully and have him thinking you’re so whatever about him.