How to Be At a Museum All the Time

These days, how many times have you thought to yourself, “I wish this was the museum right now?” If you’re anything like us, every moment of your life, even before you were born. We love art! Art is just like people! It lives at the museum, and the older it is, the better. Here’s how to feel like you’re always at the museum, absolutely appreciating the shit out of art.


Post art online with a funny caption.

Find a photo of when you were at the museum standing in front of a painting of a screaming woman or something. Caption it “same” or “relatable” and watch the ol’ likes come rollin’ in! Don’t explain the exhibit, though, because if it’s actually about genocide or whatever that’s a huge bummer.



Drink water out of a weird glass pitcher you bought in the museum gift shop.

Hold on— water out of twisted GLASS? You were going ape shit at the museum for sure. Normies will bring their stickered HydroFlasks, corporates will bring their custom Swells. You’re above that. You bought this glass bottle to brew kombucha in, but then it sounded hard so you didn’t. The bottle is like you— beautiful, mysterious, belonging in a museum.


Have bangs.

Damnnnn, bangs? Now you’re at the museum, baby. Wear your red lipstick in front of a Campbell soup poster and say things like, “I love art,” while everybody who watches your story nods in approval. Everybody is loving you at the museum! You’re an educated inspiration like a surgeon or a lady journalist.


Well, there you have it! If you do all of these and you’re still not at the museum, get yourself to a liberal arts college STAT because you need 120 ccs of schema right away. Ciao, Mona Lisa!