Are the obligations of your job getting between you and your family and your obsession with alabaster curly haired porcelain dolls? We’re here to help. Here’s how you can maintain a happy, healthy, balanced life that doesn’t compromise your career, take you away from quality time with your family, or sacrifice the hours you spend staring into the black, cavernous eyes of the sick Victorian children you keep behind glass.
Share Your Dolls with Your Family
It’s important to spend time with your bio kids, so let them out of their rooms once in a while and allow the little rat tails to watch you play with your beloved doll angels! They will feel like they are participating in your fave pastime, and you will feel more refreshed having spent the maximum amount of time with the kids you really love.
Share Your Dolls with Your Office
Bring Your Kids to Work Day? No problem! Your porcelain doll friends are the perfect children. Everyone will compliment you on how well dressed and well mannered they are. That’s if Frederick, a deceptively handsome porcelain pirate doesn’t reveal his violent temper. Remember the Christmas party? Leave the knives at home this year. Other than that, it will surely brighten your day to have their lifeless eyes staring at you. You may actually get more work done.
Introduce Doll Play to Your Sex Life
During sexual intercourse, dress up like your favorite doll: Sassy Annie, a 17th-century Parisian courtesan with a heart of gold! Then pretend Annie is your twin hooker sister and your husband is the client you’re fighting over. It’s a great way to remain actively involved with your dollies while also letting your husband put his non-doll penis inside you. Just make sure your husband is mindful not to stain the doll clothing—it costs more than he can ever know! Spice things up even more by letting Frederick the Pirate watch. But save the knife play for another day!
Spend an Evening with the Whole Family
Guess who’s coming to dinner? It’s dozens and dozens of dolls! If your husband and children want you to make a home-cooked meal, they’re going to have to watch you pretend to feed all of your dolls chicken parmesan and then give them all separate baths afterward. Oh yeah, you’re gettin’ in that tub! Bubble bath!! Family! Being a woman is hard.
Managing family, career, and your dolls is more than a full-time job, but don’t let it get you down. Even if your husband and kids leave you and you get fired for bringing your dolls to work, you’ll no longer have to worry about how to manage your time. You can spend all of it with your perfect porcelain baby dolls!