Hot Brunch Spots To Take The Kids While Derek Is On His Vision Quest

With the growing number of brunch spots popping up around the city, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, especially since you’re taking care of the kids because Derek’s on a vision quest. Here are the best spots to take your kids for a midday meal while Derek searches for his spirit guide in the wilderness.


Five & Dime

This small-plate gastropub has been a staple of the SoHo scene for years, and their crab deviled eggs are life-changing! Not as life-changing as an ayahuasca ceremony in the Mojave desert. Their spacious outdoor dining area means you can get a reservation without putting your entire life on hold, a luxury that can apparently only be afforded to husbands who want to “expand their minds beyond the numbness of everyday life.” Like, what are you even talking about, Derek?



Intermission is a relatively new addition to Brooklyn’s Williamsburg neighborhood, but their innovative cocktails and mouthwatering dishes means it’s here to stay, at least until Derek gets super into Burning Man and begins to finally see with his third eye. The crust on their spinach and gruyere quiche is exquisitely flaky, much like Derek’s parenting style!


The Pearl and The Peacock

The Pearl and the Peacock is just one of the hot new restaurants that make Bushwick a destination neighborhood. Their take on eggs benedict is so good it will make you forget your husband abandoned you and your children to go on a “personal journey” as if you have no desire to do anything of the sort but you don’t because you have kids now. Remember when Derek missed Charlize’s middle school graduation because his drum circle was getting matching tattoos?



The Cellar

The Cellar has something for everyone: a Tuscan omelette for you, Belgian waffles for the kids, and locally sourced, organic ingredients for Derek, not that he’ll be there to enjoy it. The Cellar’s dishes are also reasonably priced, so you won’t need to get another job to afford them! You’re already working two so Derek could pay for his “Rainstick Performance for Curious Adults” class.



Ask anybody in Greenwich Village: Milo’s is a brunch institution. The best part? The Bloody Marys and the mimosas are bottomless, so you can drink until Derek comes back and announce he has shed his “Western name” since your youngest has forgotten it, anyway.


These sought-after brunch spots are appetizing and good for the almost-whole family. As you eat your meal, you’ll discover that you’re basically in this alone, and you don’t need a shaman and four days of drinking coyote urine to realize it!