Here’s Why We Think The CDC Just Got A Little Drunk at A Barbecue and Let Everyone Take Their Masks Off

Yesterday, The CDC updated their guidelines that allow fully vaccinated people are allowed to be maskless, except where required by law. And while we’re glad that things are slowly getting back to normal, here’s why we’re pretty sure the CDC had like, two more margaritas than they normally do and just kind of let everyone do whatever they want:


The CDC hasn’t really drank-drank in months, and was going pretty hard at that barbecue?

Back in the normal times they’d have like, four margaritas and be FINE, but since they’ve just been having their “quiet wine” every night and going to bed at ten o’clock, it’s like they just…can’t handle their liquor? Like, it’s fine, we’re all adjusting, but they were just really like, EXTRA at that barbecue, you know? Like, take it with a grain of salt, maybe?


Even though they made us come in with masks, like two hours later they just went around kissing everyone and being like, “You can take it off, it’s fine.”

It just feels like they kind of went in thinking one thing and did a total 180? We’re all like, okay, I guess, but where’s the consistency??


We saw the CDC on their phones for awhile and were like, “Oh no, what are they doing”

Again, they were super drunk and then got real quiet and started texting. We were like, “Hey, maybe that can wait till tomorrow?” And then they got all serious and were like “NO THIS IS IMPORTANT. I HAVE TO TELL THEM” and we were like, okay…


We’re all kind of going through it right now and the CDC is no exception.

It’s like, we TRUST them, but you know, we’ve all been through a lot this year? Maybe just wear a mask when you feel comfortable and let the CDC kind of figure their shit out. They did not have any food all night because we ran out of veggie burgers super early. No worries! We’re all good.


We still love you, CDC! Drink some water today!