Glances to Let Your Friends Know You’re Fucking Your Ex Again

So you’re fucking your ex again. You’re embarrassed, they’re embarrassed, and no one wants to acknowledge this obvious mistake out loud. When you can’t begin to get into why this is happening for the eleventh time, here are six completely non-verbal glances to let the people you love know that you’re getting it in with your stupid ex again.

 

The Side-Eye: When you’re leaving a Bachelor viewing party to go to your ex’s place and your friends ask where you’re going, stop dead in your tracks, turn your head ever so slightly to the right and shoot them a look from the farthest corner of your eye. They know what that corner means: You’re boning Josh again, and you don’t want to hear about it, okay?

 

The Slow Look Up: When you’re having drinks, and your friend asks, “So, have you been seeing anyone?” pick up your drink, take a sip, and give a drawn out, dramatic look up over your drink at her. Her abrupt “No!!!” will make it clear she’s understood, and your slow look back down will say, “I can’t explain it; it just happened!”

 

The Wide-Eye (with a sigh): When your roommate asks, “Who’s in your room blasting Dave Matthews Band?” look straight at her, widen your eyes as large as they’ll go and sigh heavily. That way, she’ll know that you feel gross about it but the sex has actually been really good and Oliver gets back from the Netherlands in like a week, so does it really matter?

 

 

The Dramatic Look Down: When your friends ask why you’re not getting In the Uber everyone’s splitting after a night out, catch their eye through the window and slowly look down at your feet in faux-shame. These are the kind of safety measures you have to take so your friends know exactly where you are—Josh’s place, probably fucking on his stupid futon.

 

The Wince: When your coworkers ask why you’re not coming to lunch, squint and frown in disgust at yourself. “During lunch?” Donna will say. “That is a new low, even for you and Josh.” Shut up, Donna, you think. If you’d wanted a conversation, you would have fucking brought it up.

 

The Eye-Roll: When you’re in a team huddle at your intramural kickball game and your overzealous captain is questioning why you seem so exhausted, roll your eyes as far back as they’ll go. Make sure you get out of there quick post-win so you don’t have to hear a lecture about “getting your head in the game and off of Josh’s dick.”

 

The “Whatev” Wink: When you’re mid-coitus on your kitchen counter and your roommate walks in from work, give her an apologetic one-sided grin and a wink that says “I’m a real stinker who is still fucking things up with Josh. Don’t you love me?!” It may not be much, but she knows you so well she’ll be able to put two and two together.

 

Utilize these looks on the reg, and you will never have to deal with the verbal admission of your regrets again!