Fun Ways to Tell Your Man You’re On Your Period Without Saying ‘Period’

Period

You know the moment: You and your guy are cuddling in bed watching Chocolat. You sashay to the bathroom for a quick whore’s bath, but quicker than you can say “mon dieu,” your monthly visitor comes a-knocking! How do you let your sweetie know you’re on the rag without sounding like a totally gross period-haver? Try these tried-and-true methods below:
 

For The Athlete:

YOU: You might want to look for ways to score outside the goal posts tonight, if you catch my drift…
HIM: You mean you’re on your period?
YOU: Yes
 

For The Foodie:

YOU: Lemme put it this way: The weekly special at Chez Pantie is Executive Chef Mother Nature’s Tomato Soup…
HIM: Ew. Are you just saying you’re on your period?
YOU: Ya
 

For The Film Nerd:

YOU: Let’s just say if Sophie were faced with either my vagina or my anus for the next 5-7 days, the choice wouldn’t be all that hard…
HIM: Oh my god. You can just tell me when you’re on your period.
YOU: Ok
 

 

For The Dancer:

YOU: Have you heard of the latest dance craze? It’s called “Get Your Tamp On.”
HIM: Is this a real dance or is this just your weird way of telling me you’re on your period?
YOU: The second option.
 

For The Comedian:

YOU: Knock Knock!
HIM: Who’s There?
YOU: Menstru.
HIM: Sigh.
YOU: Lol, sorry
 

For The World Traveler:

YOU: You know that trip you’ve been meaning to take to The Red Sea?
HIM: We’re breaking up.
YOU: Wait.
 

For Any Male:

YOU: Do you want a blowjob?
HIM: Yes.