I Don’t Have HPV and I Feel Left Out

White Woman Speaks:

While browsing of the outbreak section on the CDC website, I came across a concerning statistic on HPV – almost every sexually active person contracts a type of the virus at some point in his or her life. But I haven’t. Why have I been excluded from this club?
 
I’ve had a healthy amount of sex – nearly four partners and counting since high school. So where’s my HPV?
 
When I raised my concerns with my friends, they laughed and asked if I had ever even had sex before. Apparently each of them has some form of HPV. It’s like the 9th grade all over again when I was the only girl who hadn’t yet had her period. Except now I don’t have warts on my vagina and I feel completely left out.
 

 
So while my friends spent the rest of brunch trading stories about their HPV biopsies and cervical scrapings, I realized I was no longer one of them. My paps are always regular. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. The guys I’ve hooked up with have been pretty experienced; some of them were even kind of “edgy.” You’d think a guy who plays guitar could at least give you HPV, right?!
 
My friends said to be patient and not to worry – that someday my infected prince would come along. But until then, I feel utterly alone in this STD-infested world.