Does Your Cleavage Say, ‘I Like to Bake?’

You’re an old-fashioned kinda dame. You like to bake, and you like to show off your amazing rack. Doing these two things can be confusing for guys, since they decide in an instant whether a woman is wife material or fuck material. When you let the girls out, guys are so blinded by them that it’s impossible to see a future with you. Show them that you’re more than one thing: a sexual object. You’re two things: a sexual object, and an object that loves to bake! Here’s how to show off those fun bags without men ever questioning your culinary prowess.


Option 1: Wife Cleave

Show off the baby-making potential of your bod! That’s right, there is such thing as cleavage that says, “These may be great to squeeze, but I can also pump milk out of these dairy jugs and make babies while I bake lots of goodies.” Package yourself and those tatas in a wifey way—lots of frilly lace and silken soft fabrics will make your cleavage will seem motherly and warm, rather than just hot to trot. Your cans will read like the life-giving baby bottles they are rather than just the slutty fuck lumps he wants to put his dick through.



Option 2: Womb Cleave Apron

The only way to distract from skin is with more skin! Show off your future baby home in a way that will balance the sexuality of your boob cleave. Simply cut a hole in your apron where your uterus is and draw a super cute (male) fetus on your belly. Your future husband who just met you will be so enthralled with your enthusiasm for motherhood and bequeathing him a male heir that he will immediately ask you over to bake him a strawberry rhubarb pie! You’ll be eating for two soon enough!


Option 3: Recipe Dress

Another great way to tell all the potential fathers of your children that you’re a factory that makes babies AND Bundt cakes is to just wear all your recipes out in public! What better way to display your love of baked goods and womanly activities than to turn yourself into a walking, talking advertisement for marriage? Men will take one look at the collage of delicious reproductive innuendo that your ample cleavage will just blend right on in!


If you successfully implement all of these techniques into your daily routine, there’s no way your future cheating husband will pass you by without wondering what your apple pie tastes like. From now on, you’re no longer going to look like just another cleavage-carrying bang box; You’re going to look like a bang box that also bakes warm, tasty treats. Congrats!