Bored of Being White? Look Vaguely Ethnic in 5 Simple Steps

That Hat

Being of Western European origin has a lot of benefits, but it can get really boring sometimes. Why don’t you mix it up a bit and try something just a little different? Here’s your guide on how to look slightly less white, but still white enough to get that home loan you need:

 

Learn A Few Languages
The first clue that you’re white is that you speak perfect English, so you’ll want to try to pick up another language. Not like the entire language – don’t be ridiculous! Go online and learn five phrases in a different language, preferably something romantic like Spanish or Italian. Then use them intermittently throughout the day but never explain why. You’ll have people saying, “Maybe she’s Greek? I’m not sure but I don’t really understand her sometimes.”

 

 

Dress to Impress
You’ll want to head to your local ethnic neighborhood for this one (during the day, of course!). Shop at one of their stores and buy what you think looks like something they might wear in the homeland. Now, casually wear this out for coffee or for cocktails. People will be chatting about how you, “might be Indian or something. Maybe Pakistani? I’m not sure, but she sure has changed since college.”

 

Take Up Ethnic Hobbies
Sign up for yoga or salsa dancing lessons. Buy a sitar, steel drum, and/or pan flute. Never actually learn to play them; just arrange them around your house in visible locations where your guests can for sure spot them. Make sure to decorate with both Balinese masks and Mexican papel picados. Eventually, people will start wondering, “She’s gotta be South American right? Maybe it’s on her mother’s side. I haven’t met her mom yet.”

 

Make Daring Food Choices
Choose authentic enough restaurants and invite all your friends for an adventurous dining experience. But go there a week before and memorize the entire menu. Be sure to Google how to pronounce the items correctly so that your friends will be impressed when you order. Choose the most adventurous item on the menu and eat it like you’ve been chowing down on insects since birth. Everyone around you will be whispering, “Oh wait! I bet it’s her grandma. She looks pretty dark in all those photos on her parents’ mantel.”

 

Find The Perfect Date
Bring a guy who is vaguely more ethnic than you to brunch and talk about how “interesting” he is and how much cooler he is than all those white guys you used to date. Post a ton of pictures on Facebook and gradually appropriate his culture until your friends ask, “I wonder what country the wedding will be in?”