Blandsome! Ten Non-Threatening Male Celebrities To Make You Feel Safe

Keep your steamy studs and heartthrobs – attainable celebs are all the rage! Who needs a bad boy? Crush on one of these milquetoast Romeos and your heart will continue to beat a safe and normal pace!

Ed Norton

Ed Norton
The first rule of Fight Club is that Brad Pitt is way out of your league (and unstable!). Let your fantasies run wild on co-star Edward Norton, whose weak jawline and predictable green eyes will assure you he’ll remember to walk the dog and bring in the mail.

Freddie Prinze, Jr.

Freddie Prinze, Jr. is a Latin lover, minus the spice! He’s the type of guy who’d buy you ice cream in broad daylight in a crowded park. No funny stuff!

Matt Lauer

Matt Lauer reminds you of crushing on your high school math teacher – it’s the safe kind of crush where you know nothing will ever happen because he’s old, married, and too tired from his early morning commute. Imagine smelling nothing as he reaches past you to grab his dry-cleaning. No cologne. No aftershave. Nothing.

Seth Rogen

Seth Rogen’s recent accomplishments have failed to make him any more attractive. Bring this doughy Don Juan home to mom and bask in her quiet, bored approval!

Martin Freeman

Martin Freeman
The stodgy Watson to Cumberbatch’s tempermental Sherlock, Freeman’s the perfect “let’s make a pie and not eat it until it’s properly cooled” guy.

Jimmy Fallon

This late night host could be a boyfriend that’s more like a best friend! He probably shares your passion for eating Dibs in the bathtub (bathing suits on!).

Michael Bublé

Michael Bublé looks exactly like the deprogrammed gay kid that touched your 14-year-old boob at a church lock-in. He is the perfect fantasy husband, providing a life of luxury and no sexual or emotional challenges whatsoever!

These boyish infatuations will help you feel like your romantic life totally exists and is perfectly normal. Keep these tame celebrity crushes and you’ll never be forced to confront the scary urges of your own sexuality!