QUIZ: Is That Baby Yours?

We’ve all been there: you walk into a grocery store only to walk out later carrying a baby you don’t remember bringing in with you. With baby fever, sleep deprivation, and stress levels at an all-time high, it’s no wonder you might be confused. You may not even remember ever having given birth, or have forgotten when your doctor said you were unable to conceive, so how can you really know whether that baby is yours? Next time you find yourself outside of a children’s hospital holding a baby as you hear someone inside scream, “Help! I think someone has stolen my baby!” You can take this quiz to find out if that baby really is yours!

 

Have you had sexual intercourse in the past 4 years?
(YES / NO)
 
Have you gotten pregnant in the past 4 years?
(YES / NO)
 
Have you given birth in the past 3 years?
(YES / NO)
 
Was it to this baby?
(YES / NO)
 
Are there pictures of this baby in your phone, home, or posted onto Facebook?
(YES / NO)
 

 
Do you have this baby’s birth certificate safely stored somewhere?
(YES / NO)
 
Do you have this baby’s footprints from the hospital?
(YES / NO)
 
Do you have a past criminal record of kidnapping?
(YES / NO)
 
Did you just kidnap this baby?
(YES / NO)
 

If you circled mostly YES, that baby is not yours.

You need to return it. Or give it to me. I’ll take real good care of it. I’ve got a perfect room in my apartment for it already set up. It’s painted a neutral yellow color for a baby of either gender and has a crib and everything. You know, people always said I’d make a great mother.

 

If you circled mostly NO, that baby is still mine.

Give it to me. I need it. Just give it to me. Why can’t I have that baby? What, you think you’re better than me? JUST GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN BABY.