Baby Shower Gifts That Say, ‘You’re Not Equipped to Be a Mom’

Every mom-to-be needs to know that she’s already doing everything wrong. It’s up to you to find that special present that shows you care, and that she’s completely unequipped for motherhood. Here are some gifts that will show that Mommy really has no idea what she’s getting into:

 

A Do-it-Yourself BPA/Chemical/Lead Home Test Kit

Chances are the mom-to-be has some BPA-tainted plastic that her future child is just desperate to get her little mouth around. Make sure you let her know that she really needs to go that extra mile to weed out every hazardous substance in her home, because she really seems like the type that would overlook that sort of thing.

 

GoodMothers™ Emergency Organic Baby Food

Include a note explaining that it’s for when Mommy unexpectedly runs out of hand-mashed root vegetables from her chemical-free garden! Your friend will feel overwhelmed by its mere presence in her cupboard or your money back! Just make sure to remind her that it is “only for emergencies.”

 

The Ultimate Child-proofing Safety and Disaster Prevention Kit

The home is not just where a child grows up, it’s also where a child might not grow up if one fails to protect them from its danger. With 86 inscrutable clamping devices, 53 foam corner-covers, and 14 pamphlets on the many ways your friend’s child could be maimed in the home, this kit lacks any instructions, but has plenty of warnings that she’ll probably do something wrong.

 

 

MommyCam

Like its popular forerunner NannyCam, MommyCam gives peace of mind by keeping watch when Mommy’s home alone with her little one. Monitoring operators are standing by to dispatch child protective services should any issue arise on your watch.

 

Adoption Services Information Booklet

To let her know that if she’s ever in full on crisis mode, someone will be there for her, to make sure her baby can be placed with a more suitable mother, like you.