When your rich friends have babies, the pressure is on to not look poor at their baby showers. Here are some perfect little somethings to help ingratiate yourself with the child who will probably be your future boss:
1. Luxury Diaper Cake
A ten-foot diaper sculpture from the same baby store where Sarah Jessica Parker shops is just the thing to keep baby’s family duly impressed. Go ahead and splurge on extra embellishments like silk ribbon, freshwater pearls, and Swarovski crystals as you max out your third credit card this month. This $500 gag gift will pay off in dividends in the future when this baby is hiring!
2. Near-Threatened Animal Petting Zoo
Heavy poaching means a privileged baby may miss the wild safari he’s entitled to by fortune of birth. Bring the bush to his backyard with a dozen nearly endangered animals, like the European otter, maned wolf, and black spiny-chest frog. It’ll make for a fun photo op as you dump cheese cubes into your purse.
3. Baby’s First Schooner
Nothing prepares a rich baby for a carefree life of leisure like a scale model of a 19th century Dutch schooner—sized for an infant, of course! It’s the perfect escape she’ll need to leave the beach house behind and set sail to the second beach house. Paint your name on the hull so she’ll know to keep your children in mind for internship positions in her media empire!
4. Tree Condo
When the expansive grounds of the family estate start to feel too small, Baby Monopoly Man can escape to his very own two-bedroom in the sky. A private place to relax and/or learn to manipulate the word’s financial markets, a treehouse condominium is also a good way to generate supplementary rental income from The Help that’s tired of commuting from the other side of the city.
5. Distribution Rights for The Lego Movie Franchise
As this baby grows, so should dividends in her investment portfolio. Stand out from the gift-giving crowd by negotiating a leasing model for a major Hollywood movie featuring their mini-me’s favorite building block to wealth. Youth fades, brands are for life.
Remember: A good rich-baby gift is worth the four-figure price tag. That baby will one day be a member of the plutocracy that rules us all. Don’t forget a gift receipt!!