Jay Crew Exclusive: Alexander Skarsgård Sits Down to Discuss his Penis

Jay recently sat down with True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgård to discuss the Swedish actor’s new movie, The East, which opens in theaters May 31st. 


JC: We’re really looking forward to The East. Anarchy is so sexy right now.


AS: Thanks.


JC: Who’s the blonde that’s in it with you? The Erika Christensen one. She was the daughter in Arbitrage. Wait, side note: Susan Sarandon’s breasts looked amazing in Arbitrage. The scene where they’re in the gym and Sarandon is like cross-examining that daughter about the family’s finances and the girl’s like, ‘something derivatives yadda-yadda bundling’ and I was like, “Um, who cares about all that? How is Susan Sarandon braless on a stair-stepper at like 67 and fucking killing it?”


AS: Her name is Brit Marling.


JC: Who? Wait, I’m looking her up.


AS: My co-star.


JC: Oh. [pause] STFU. Patricia Clarkson is in this? Yes, mama, yes! She is such a goddess. I worship her. You have no idea.



AS: She’s very talented.


JC: Totally. She’s so juicy. Sorry, one second. Uhhhh…let’s see, let’s see. I didn’t have time to IMDB this movie before our interview. I have a lot going on right now.


AS: You didn’t see Patricia Clarkson in the trailer?


JC: The trailer’s out already?


AS: My publicist sent you a link.


JC: The trailer for Bling Ring is everything. Toe tag me because I died over Emma Watson’s Alexis Neiers.


AS: She is a talented actress.


JC: She’s not in The East, is she?


AS: No.


JC: I mean Emma Watson not Alexis Neiers.


AS: I know. Neither of them is in The East.


JC: Okay, cool cool. I did do some research on you on the cab ride over here. I had this crazy guy from India or Africa or something and he was all “Who?” and I was like, “Are you kidding me? Alex is the sexy Swiss who’s married to Maggie Gyllenhaal.” People are idiots. It seriously depresses me.


AS: Uh, I’m not married to Maggie.


JC: Okay, so I was Google image searching you…


AS: That’s the research you did?


JC: Yeah. I was coming from Bendel’s on the east side so I had some time to kill for once. FML. You have no idea how hard my life is right now. Anyway, my little investigative eye noticed that you also always have your iPhone in your front pocket.


AS: I guess.


JC: You know we know it’s not your penis, right?


AS: I didn’t think anyone would assume it was.


R: Yeah right. Every guy’s trying to do The Hamm-aconda now. You should see this series of Taylor Lautner in mesh shorts my friend Coleen sent me. Here, I have…


AS: That’s okay.


JC: So is that what you’re doing, dirty bird? Making like a huge fake penis? Because it’s not working.


AS: What? That’s not what I’m doing.


JC: Yeah, because iPhones are way flatter than penises.


AS: Right.


JC: [giggles) You’re so busted, you little Swiss bitch.


AS: Are you a journalist?


JC: Ew. Whatever, you brat! [laughs] When does the movie come out?


AS: May 31.


JC: Shit. That’s bad for me. My friend, Lars, is doing this dinner at Indochine that night. Do you know him? He’s Swiss.


AS: I’m Swedish.


JC: Alright, well, thanks for stopping by today.


AS: You came to me. This is a press junk…


JC: Not to cut you off, but I have to bounce. I’m in a Google chat thing for HuffPo in an hour. Give my love to Maggie.


AS: Bye.



Correction: Mr. Skarsgård is Swedish. He is neither Peter Sarsgaard nor married to Ms. Gyllenhaal. Reductress regrets the error.