At the end of your magical first date, Jason cupped your chin in his hands, peered into the depths of your soul, and whispered, “I’m like, pretty bad with commitment.” You played it perfectly cool by replying, “Me too, it took me three months to commit to a name for my Pinterest wedding board.” And then, strangely, he vanished into thin air. There are plenty of reasons why he just hasn’t been able to call yet, and none of them have to do with you pinning his photo to your “God, Don’t Let Me Die Alone” board. Here are some of the perfectly understandable reasons why he didn’t call back, you know, cause you’re totally cool about it:
1. He likes being on the other end of the chase.
This isn’t the olden days of men dragging women by their hair into horse and buggies. Jason must have seen your powerful #YesAllWomen tweets and realizes you’re a modern, forward-thinking gal who likes it when a guy plays impossible-to-get. Right now, I bet he, too, is sitting by his phone, emotionally eating his third Chipwich while texting Becky, “Why didn’t Jason call?” Perfectly understandable.
2. He’s intimidated by your sexual prowess.
This isn’t anything new. Guys don’t call all the time after you have sex with them. Only an idiot would fail to realize what’s happening here, which is that you’re a goddess in bed, and some men just can’t handle that.
3. He did call you, but something’s wrong with your phone.
This happens every time! Seriously, Verizon has been your biggest roadblock in romance. In fact, nobody has texted you in days, except for your mother. Better go knock on his door just to check up on him.
4. All the new shows just started.
You’ve been so busy watching the new fall lineup that you almost forgot to notice he didn’t call. Like the other night, you watched a little of the new Dancing With The Stars and Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls was on it, so, that was pretty interesting. Who knew he could dance? And… wait, what were we talking about again? Oh, right. Jason not calling. See how easy it is to forget?
5. He got the iPhone 6 and is reluctant to take it out of the packaging.
At some point after you ordered your fourth appletini and told him about your lazy ovary, he did mention that his phone had been acting really weird lately and might break soon. We bet it did break, he decided to splurge on the new iPhone, and is still deciding if he should use it or sell it on eBay. That’s just like Jason to be so thoughtful about things!
6. He’s really stressed about that project at work and his fantasy football team has been doing awful and it’s just been a really hard week for him also his roommate has the flu and some other stuff too…
He’s probably having a totally crazy week, based on the nondescript tweets he posts every 20 minutes. Fortunately for him, you’re happy to lighten his load by picking up some of his important tasks, like brainstorming names for your future children. When Jason finally does call, you’ll let him know you really like the name ‘Rebecca’ after his maternal grandmother or Hugo after his paternal great grandfather. He’ll be pale with love.
7. His dog died.
Jason didn’t actually mention that he had a dog, but he probably does because guys always have dogs. And Jason’s dog must have died. Obviously, he’s probably in a mourning period right now, so show him how intuitive you are. Take some initiative and send a large floral arrangement that says “Sorry Your Dog Died” to his office. When he finally does call, you’ll be ready to console him and remind him why he gave you four stars on OkCupid in the first place.
8. He’s pulling away to totally catch you off-guard with a proposal.
So what if you only went on one date, and it didn’t even last that long because he had to leave after the appetizers when he found out his apartment was totally on fire? When it’s right, it’s right.
Either way, the fact that Jason still hasn’t called after 16 days is perfectly understandable and definitely has nothing to do with you.