5 Ways to Phase Out Your Ugly Friends Before Your Wedding

Wedding season is upon us, and you’re probably all wondering how can you avoid inviting your childhood best friend who got ugly, or your work friend who has always been ugly. Don’t panic! These five easy tips will help you phase out those undesirable friends before you can even say, “Save the date!”


1. Change Your Social Media Names

With the click of a button, you can unfriend, unfollow, or block your ug-quaintances without them even noticing! Imagine their surprise when they tag you in a hot pic and find that you no longer exist! For some extra, unrelated fun, add a sexy alliterative adjective at the front of your name and watch the hot friend requests roll in. One of them might be hot enough to replace your Maid of Honor!


2. Hang Up Missing Person Signs

No one’s going to expect a wedding invitation from the missing woman last seen on April 26th at 4:31 AM. Make sure to paper the walls of your busted buds’ favorite hangouts, like Lane Bryant and Lucille Roberts.



3. Get Plastic Surgery

This option is a bit more expensive, but it will be worth it when you run into your college friend with the adult acne at the grocery store. She’ll have no idea who you are thanks to your fabulous new chin implant!


4. Enroll in the Witness Protection Program

You’re not going to have any awkward run-ins with your roommate and her drawn-on eyebrows when you’re enjoying your new family in Boise, Idaho! As an added bonus, the government will usually finance a haircut and color of your choosing. You may not be able to actually live with your husband, but hey – you’ll do whatever it takes for the perfect wedding.


5. Fake Your Own Funeral

Ok, so this one is PROBABLY illegal, but it is the only surefire way to keep your sister with the weird tic out of your bridal party pics. PLUS you get the chance to be really imaginative with the creation of your death scenario. I recommend a fake bridge jump in an exotic location – the Charles Bridge in Prague is breathtaking this time of year!


No matter which option you choose, remember that your wedding is about YOU, not those un-photogenic parasites who call themselves your friends!