5 Signs Your New Boyfriend Is A DJ

you're boyfriend is a dj - reductress

Everything about that guy you met at the club during a coke-fueled frenzy seems perfect: he’s adorably shy, has facial piercings, and a wicked fade on one side of his head while the other is in a messy bun. He rotates the same three mangled band t-shirts, smells like he slept on a Chinese take-out container, but can also afford to purchase the newest Macbook Air. How does this add up? There is a strong possibility that your new boyfriend is a DJ. Check out this list to see if your new man displays the warning signs:
 
1. He doesn’t go to bed until 7am.
While you’re waking up for that administrative job you hate, he’s just dozing off into a light snooze. He lacks the REM sleep humans are supposed to get, yet is highly functional between the hours of 7pm-7am. Surprise! He’s a DJ.
 
2. His vocabulary is limited to “woo”, “put your hands up”, and “make some noise”.
He is rarely verbal with you, but when he is, that’s all he says. In fact – now that you think of it – you don’t even know his name. While these particular exchanges of dialogue may be okay in the bedroom, they are not okay on the very rare occasion that he offers to takes you out somewhere, like for a $2 taco or hot dog. How does he get away with it, you ask? Because he’s a DJ!
 
3. The only piece of furniture he has is a turntable.
The defining room feature in his studio apartment is his prized set of turntables that YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH. No seriously… you’re not even allowed to go within ten feet of them, which limits you to only hanging out in the doorway of his apartment. Definitely something a DJ would do.
 
4. His hand floats away whenever a beat is playing, and slowly rises above his head as it progresses.
If his right hand is always slowly floating away when there is music playing, you may have a doubly unfortunate case on your hands: the EDM DJ. Sometimes when he has his Beats by Dre headphones on, his left hand also begins to float away. If he is an electronic dance music DJ, there is no turning back. He is already gone.
 

 
5. He is always shamelessly looking for Molly.
There’s a reason you can’t find her among his 4,000+ Facebook friends. When he does find her, his pupils dilate and all he wants do is dance and have sex. Why? DJ.
 
Save yourselves now, ladies: Drop that guy faster than he drops those beats!