5 Hot Dance Moves to Work Out Your Daddy Issues

Daddy Issues

Are you Daddy’s little princess? Have you never met your father? Are you still healing from years of harsh paternal criticism? Whatever your daddy issue, here are five of the year’s hottest dance moves to help you WERK them out on the dance floor! You’ll turn heads as you exorcise your daddy-induced identity issues!

The “Absentee Pop-and-Lock”

Did your deadbeat dad skip town and ditch the child support payments? Swing your arms into this locking motion and have other men shower you with dollar bills (preferably on a stage, table, bar or man’s lap, but any surface will work.)

The “Emotional Wall”

Did your flaky father make you deeply distrustful towards men? Throw punches and karate chops in erratic patterns, add a sensual shake to that booty and no one will be able to get close enough to hurt you!


The “Ballet Recital”

Dad may have been too plastered to attend your 3rd grade ballet recital, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a beautiful ballerina! Tondue, pas de chat, arabesque, jete, and repeat! Before you know it, the whole club will be saying, “we’re so proud of you, honey!”

The “Attention Grab”

Was dad detached and disinterested? Clutching your throat is the international sign for choking; add a sultry shimmy to your hips, and before you know it, you’ll have the whole club saying, “Oh my god! Someone help that poor girl!”

The “My Daddy Can-Can”

Did your Dad give you everything you ever wanted and more? Kick your legs up in the air like a chorus girl to show everyone that you’ll do as you damn well please. You should probably also ask Daddy to pay for you to shoot your own music video.