The holidays are a great time of the year to visit with loved ones, but how are you supposed to ride some quality pole with all this family around? Drone out your holiday lovemaking-fest with a holiday movie that everyone can enjoy hearing from the other room! We’ve got a list of five excellent films to get you and your partner, coworker, bar friend, or vibrator in the mood:
The title here alone is enough to get anyone going. Nothing revs the sex drive like the thought of our whole family forgetting about you two, for one blessed, sexy day of privacy. Even if Grandpa is passed out upstairs in the guest bedroom, you guys can always pretend you’ve got the whole house to yourselves – he’s too deaf to hear you.
Jingle All The Way
The title of this American Christmas family comedy is certainly suggestive. What’s even more suggestive is picturing Arnold Schwarzenegger greased up with jingle bells. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see The Governator shirtless, but we do get to see him fighting for his son’s ultimate Christmas wish. And there’s nothing sexier than listening to a familiar, indecipherable German accent.
If you hate Christmas but love murderous rampages, this is the holiday film for you. Explore your kinkier, darker side with a killer Santa Claus who’s roaming around a Midwestern town, picking up, molesting, and killing folks on Christmas Eve. To really get into the mood for this movie, a Santa Claus outfit may be in order. You can leave the flamethrower out, unless you’re into that kind of thing.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Staked along your parents’ VHS Christmas collection, you might come across some stop-motion animation specials. If you’re lucky enough, they’ll probably have the classic Rudolph tale. He may be a misfit but he still gets his. And so will you.
Whatever or whoever you’re doing this holiday season, don’t forget the mistletoe! Get that dick!