5 Granola Bars That Will Make You Want to Scale a Fucking Mountain With Your Boyfriend

You may not look or feel like the “outdoorsy” type, but your boyfriend definitely is! Luckily, with one bite of these of-the-earth granola bars, you’ll be fucking amped enough to climb a goddamn mountain with him! Even if you’ve never walked a consecutive mile in your life, here are the five best granola bars that will change everything:

 

2. Go Raw Spirulina Bar

1. Go Raw Organic Spirulina Energy Bar

Hope Tim didn’t have anything to do today, because a few nibbles of this superfood bar will make you wanna grab him and some hiking boots and head for the nearest mountain. One bite of this bar and you’ll finally be able to take advantage of his “self-destructive impulsivity” as you free-climb your way up that huge rock that people have died on. You’re free now! Get your ass up the side of that mountain!

 

 

 

3.-Annies-Berry-Berry-320x194

2. Annie’s Organic Chewy Berry Berry Granola Bar

Sure, your life-threatening bee allergy has kept you from all outdoor terrains since that time you almost died at 6th grade sleep-away camp, but with this berry-packed granola bar, you won’t even fear about anaphylactic shock—you’ll just take Jeff to a big fucking mountain! Your craving for mountain climbing will be so strong that you’ll even leave your EpiPen at home to make room for Jeff’s vintage canteen. Doesn’t matter—you’re invincible now!!

 

 

4. Nature Valley Sweet Salty

3. Nature Valley Peanut Sweet & Salty Nut Bar

This creamy, peanut butter-coated bar will have you musing to Craig, “What better way to celebrate day two of my period than by gallivanting with Mother Nature herself?” Change your tampon for the third time this morning and down a handful of Ibuprofen so you’re ready to fucking climb. Hopefully Craig won’t call you a drama queen when your uterus sucker-punches you into the rocks at 700 feet.

 

 

 

5. Clif Crunch Bar

4. Clif Crunch White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Bar

Clif Crunch doesn’t give a shit that you’re terrified of heights, or that you recently took a celibacy vow until marriage. With three grams of protein and a few cheat-day chocolate chips, Clif Crunch gives you the energy to scale Mount Monadnock with Jasper. You’ve got so much energy, maybe YOU should propose to him on the top of this fucking mountain!

 

 

6. KIND Bar

5. KIND Maple Pumpkin Seeds with Sea Salt Granola Bar

Feeling mad at Miles? Shove one of these salty-sweet KIND bars in your mouth, and before you know it, you’ll be passive-aggressively tossing his climbing shoes at his head so you two can take on nature’s most extreme challenges. You’ll be so intensely committed to climbing, you’ll forget to snap a “<3 this guy!” Insta pic as you climb. Now that’s a healthy relationship!

 

With any of these five wholesome granola bars, you too can live the mountain-climbing life you never knew you wanted. Climb on, sister!