New Years Resolutions are hard, but if you continue to let yourself believe you don’t have a drinking problem, you can still accomplish something in 2014! You can always face your inner demons next December; for now, try the un-sober resolutions below, so that you can still have a happy new year!
Are you practicing yoga in a 115-degree room, or are you just drunk? The answer: both! With a little liquid courage, you will be attempting dangerously fun poses with that hot instructor, even when you’re on your period! And as a bonus, drinking and hot yoga dehydrates you, ‘til there isn’t a drop of water weight to feel ashamed of!
Dealing With Your Debt
Thinking about that third credit card you don’t want to face, but need to pay off before it swallows your whole financial future? You can trim your budget while still drinking by carrying a flask or bottle of cheap vodka, rather than paying for overpriced cocktails. The bartenders don’t make ‘em strong enough, anyway. Better yet, drink and pass out at home!
Revive your Love Life
If OKCupid makes you shudder with horror, there’s no better time than New Years to do it the old-fashioned way – get date-wasted with a stranger at a bar and exchange your most horrifying online dating stories! Not only will you feel a little bit better about that guy who turned out to be your distant cousin, you probably won’t remember much of what went wrong on this date!
Learn a New Language or Culture
Want to expand your horizons? Learn the language of tequila, Scotch whiskey, or absinthe. Who says you’re not worldly? You’ll be the life of any party as you cleverly explain the history and origin of mezcal, while slipping in and out of consciousness.
Give Back to Your Community
The best advice is given from a barstool. Share last year’s mistakes and the lessons you’ve learned with anyone who’ll listen. Like “never bring a work friend to a sex party.”
Enjoy Life More
This one’s super easy to stick to while under the influence: just seize the day in whatever way inspires you, whether that involves getting back in touch with old flames via late-night text, skipping work, or crying into your pillow for three hours. Life is beautiful!
Just keep drinking until next January and you’ll be the sexy, fun, mostly together girl who has someone to kiss at next New Years party. What girl can ask for more than that?