Do you feel a little like, “Whoa, I get hangovers really easily these days”? Then it might be time for a cute but sensible lob! Now that you’re not 19 anymore, you can’t go to clubs because the music is too loud, your feet always hurt, and you really like wearing pants. How did this happen and why does one margarita at happy hour make you call in sick for work the next day? We don’t know. But we do know it’s time for a shorter, more responsible-looking haircut to match that lack of resilience. So here are four trendy lob haircuts that will remind you that you’re getting closer to 40 every year!
The “Wait, Do I Own A Dog?” Lob
Yes you do. You get drunk after one glass of wine and you own a dog. You can’t stay out after work anymore because you own this dog, but it’s for the best because you can’t drink from 5-10 on a weeknight anymore either. When you were long-haired, you could barely remember to lock the door. But this new, short haircut elegantly screams, “Hey, does anybody know a good dog sitter? I’m going on a clean eating retreat for the weekend and I need a dog sitter.” Your life pretty much revolves around your dog, finding a dog-sitter, and not over-doing it.
The “Oh, My Bank Account is Separate From My Parents’ Bank Account” Lob
Yes, you have your own bank account and earn money autonomously. And if it’s later than 8pm, you can’t have a tequila shot because you have work the next day. Also, you need to go to work because you need to pay your rent. If you don’t pay your rent, you will lose your home. This is all on you now. This cute lob is the perfect haircut to really show off of how fiscally responsible you are! No you do NOT spend $100 on 4AM cab rides from Staten Island laser tag both for financial reasons and also because you went to bed six hours ago.
The “I Don’t Know This Song” Lob
This is the perfect lob to don when you’re at a bar for the first time in three months and a song comes on that everyone goes crazy for and you’re like “yaaassss, me too” even though you have no idea what song it is or who it’s by because you don’t get out as much because you’re more into Netflix than drinking these days. This lob is great for prancing around, feeling stylish, and desperately hoping Taylor Swift is still a cool thing. It’s short enough to say that you clearly don’t know anything about pop culture these days but long enough to say, hey I’m having this one drink aren’t I?
The “Why Do I Have So Many Opinions On How My Food Is Prepared?” Lob
This lob is just another fabulous way to let your waiter know that you’re not happy with your salad. That’s a thing you do now. You complain to management about your food. When you had long hair, if you got something you didn’t like you would just passively let it go. Easy breezy long-haired you. But not these days. You’re not wasting your one night out this week on a shitty salad. These days, you and your lob like to say “Hey, this salad is awful, I can’t eat it, I refuse to eat it, and I demand another salad” with no care for how inconvenient it might be to the wait staff. This lob is a great look that’s just one step away from looking and acting exactly like your mother! Who is definitely an adult. And you are definitely an adult and you don’t even regret it anymore. Now pass that low-tannin wine!
If you need to communicate any of these new and bracing limitations, take the plunge and get one of these chic lobs. Let your freshly bare shoulders feel the icy breeze of inevitable and rapid aging!