Communication is not your man’s best skill. Sometimes your man is a charming mis-communicator, but sometimes he’s just plain dead. Take this fun quiz to find out if your boyfriend needs some help in the listening department, or if he’s just totally deceased.
1. You ask your man what he thinks about stopping by Stacey’s party later. He:
a. Throws his hands up in the air and says, “I couldn’t care less. Who’s Stacey?”
b. Puts on his headphones and pretends to be asleep.
c. Starts giving off a rancid smell from the spot on the couch he hasn’t moved from in four days.
2. You’re trying to make plans for “date-night.” Your man:
a. says, “sure yeah whatever you decide.”
b. remains silent, gets in his car, and drives away
c. remains slumped over on the floor as his putrefied skin slowly slides off his body.
3. You’re trying to talk to your boyfriend about your “life goals.” Does he:
a. Nod and grunt whenever you pause.
b. Pretend to answer a phone call.
c. Emit a gurgling “popping” sound accompanied by the most foul stench because the natural gasses in his body have turned his corpse into a pressure cooker.
4. Your man accompanies you on a night out with your girlfriends. He spends the whole time:
a. Excusing himself for phone calls and chatting with the bartender.
b. Standing across the room talking to other women.
c. Being super heavy to carry around.
5. You’re at the movies with you man. Does he:
a. Spend the whole time texting and looking at his phone.
b. Spend the whole time in a different movie theater, at a different movie.
c. Spend the whole time at home, letting maggots feast on his rotting eyeballs.
If you answered mostly A’s, your man needs some work.
He loves you but you aren’t on the same page. Let him know that he needs to improve his listening skills or your outta there!
If you answered mostly B’s, you’re in trouble.
Your boyfriend has serious communication problems or is completely unaware that you have been dating. Try reminding him of who you are, and see if your name rings a bell.
If you answered mostly C’s, your boyfriend is dead.
You need to call a morgue, because he may have been dead for a while. You may also want to get a lawyer because honestly, this seems highly suspicious.