You’re Doing Self-Care Completely Fucking Wrong. Here’s Why.

Modern day life is hard, what with the juggling of work, health, Instagram, and one-sided relationships—so it’s essential to carve out time each week to do something just for you. Treat yo’ self, as they say. Give yourself permission to enjoy a bubble bath, a good book, an entire sheet cake, or a few straight days in bed—just make sure you’re not making these embarrassingly stupid self-care mistakes common among people incapable of self-love.

 

You’re Not Giving It Your All

Are you caring for yourself in the best possible manner? Don’t half-ass your self-care routine by only meditating for half an hour or some bullshit. You deserve the best, after all, so make sure you do your due diligence before committing to any small act of self-kindness. Did you look up the Yelp reviews for the massage you booked? Google the name of the massage therapist to make sure he or she is not a convicted felon? Ran a background check? No? It’s so like you not to think about these things when it comes to you. I mean, come the fuck on and take care of yourself!

 

 

You’re Stressing About It Too Much

 When your self-care routine detracts from your well-being instead of contributing to it, it’s time to take a long, hard look in the mirror and examine your inability to take a fucking chill pill. Stop worrying so much—this is just a little self-care! Make sure self-care is not just another thing you suck at by eliminating any negativity running through your brain. Take a yoga class or meditate without letting thoughts of the fact that you should’ve fucking started doing this a long time ago creep in. If you catch yourself making a to-do list or criticizing your tremendous egomania while conducting self-care, guess what? You blew it.

 

You’re Not Thinking About Future You 

Sure, that bowl of buffalo chicken dip might be the thing you need to unwind in the here and now, but we all know you’re going to regret it later. That’s right: You’ll feel like shit, both physically and emotionally, when you guiltily realize you’ve done this to yourself. Which is exactly what you don’t need. You really should be taking better care of yourself.

 

 

You’re Not Living In The Present

Here’s the thing about self-care: It’s all about honoring who you are in this moment. It’s the only one we have, after all. So if you’re taking a Ballerina Booty Bum class with the aim of treating yourself to a ballerina booty at a later date, you’re doing it wrong. Who knows if that day will ever come? Be in the NOW and embrace the ballerina booty you sort of already have. Do look in the mirror while you dance but don’t think too hard about what you see there. Just be!

 

So long as you steer clear of these self-care faux pas, you should be well on your way to a calmer, more fulfilled life. And, even if you do slip up once and a while, don’t fucking beat yourself up over it! It’s your self-care routine, and you’re already fucking it up!

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