Are you tired of being mistaken for your actual age? Are your complaints about your metabolism and dying eggs giving you away? Then try these young-person complaints on for size, because you’re only as old as you complain to be!
“My mom sucks.” This is a classically immature complaint with a teenage feel. Slip it into your casual conversion to keep your friends, coworkers, and dates guessing. You can really young this one up with descriptive slang terms. Tell people your mom is “bumming you out” because she keeps “butting into your life” and she “just doesn’t get you.” Sigh with angst. Ughhhh, moms, amiright?!
“This food/lotion/weather is making me break out.” This complaint can be adjusted based on the situation, as long as you let the world know that you can’t control your overactive hormonal young pores. You’re so full of life!
“I have way too much homework.” Not only will this complaint make you look younger, but it is also a great excuse to avoid a party if your arthritis is acting up or if you couldn’t get a sitter.
“My crush isn’t making eye contact with me.” Old people go on Internet dates, meet people at bars, or give up altogether. Young people have obsessive crushes on people they’ve barely ever spoken to. So start obsessing, now!
“I have a dumb family thing.” So you have to miss a friend’s birthday, because your dad’s in the hospital on his death bed after living a happy, full life? Never fear! This complaint has got you covered. Throw in something about how your mom is “making you go.”
“My life stinks!” Got a lot of stress going on with your divorce, infertility issues, or inadequate retirement plan? Go vague on complaining with this negative young person attitude towards your problems. You may also want to throw in an “I wish I was never born.”
Now you have a few tools in your tool belt to keep you forever young. Go ahead and try one out at the next cocktail party or all company meeting. You won’t regret it!