With college admissions prices soaring, it’s remarkable for anyone to receive – let alone afford – a higher education. That’s what makes Tanya Baker’s story so remarkable. She found a hack for the complex university system and earned an MFA by simply pronouncing the word ‘vase’ like ‘vahz.’ Wow!
MFA programs are typically exclusive and highly competitive. So when Baker decided she wanted to pursue a graduate degree in the fine arts, she knew it wouldn’t be easy.
“I studied English during undergrad,” says Baker. “But my dream was always to be an artist. And though I lack artistic skills, my overall pretension and holier-than-thou disdain for the English language immediately won me a BFA.”
Baker has been unnecessarily fancy since before she can remember, frequently adding “ou” to words like “favorite” and “color.” But it wasn’t until she went full Frasier and tried out the pronunciation “vahz” that she was immediately rewarded a Masters in Fine Art from a prestigious institution.
“We were pleased to hand Ms. Baker an MFA,” said one university official. “Our top priority as an institution is, of course, nurturing the finest artists of tomorrow. But we also want to celebrate people who employ a prestigious locution, saying “foyay” instead of foyer and “Excuse me, I have a masters” instead of “No thanks, I’m full!”
With her new diploma in hand, Baker is excited to move forward in her art career. She plans to continue saying “vahz” and is also experimenting with the word “toMAHto” and is considering pronouncing “accouterment” with a thick French accent.
“Tanya has no skills in the arts,” said one of Tanya’s friends. “So I’m a little confused how she received an MFA. It’s almost like being an artist just means thinking you’re better than everyone else? She always says “Barthelona” with that “th” sound and I’m like girl we weren’t even talking about Barcelona.”
Though many are skeptical of Baker’s sudden degree, she’s chosen to only see the positive.
“I’m just so excited to have my MFA,” says Baker. “I’m going to start my art as soon as possible. I’m on my way to “Tarjay” to buy supplies right now!”
Wow, Tarjay? Fuck you, Tanya!