Despite the bar for acceptable behavior from men being extremely low, Brooklyn resident Mike Isaacs has defied all odds by managing to limbo right under it!
“I’ve always been really ambitious,” said Mike, hawking a loogie onto the floor of his subway car. “So I knew that I could get under that bar, even though it’s practically on the floor.”
Mike explained that he had been training for this moment since he was a teenager.
“Just barely passing as a decent human being has always come pretty naturally to me,” said Mike, who routinely stands up his Tinder dates in favor of playing Fortnite. “So to pull this off really took some work. I barged on to an elevator before anyone could get off, I gestured suggestively at any woman I saw walking down the street -I even stopped washing my clothes and sheets. Nobody really seemed to call me out on it until I went full throttle and assaulted a woman in public.”
“Mike has always been someone you can’t expect much from,” said Mike’s longtime friend Ian Babbington. “So when I heard that he found a way to go below and beyond, I was stunned. It takes hard work to be that terrible.”
And Mike doesn’t see himself slowing down.
“Now that I’ve managed to get myself under such a low bar already, I feel like the sky’s the limit,” said Mike. “I’m going to continue to slack off on meeting even the minimum expectations of respectability because there is just so much I can achieve just short of full-on public assault.”