Wow! This Life Coach Empowered Six Clients to Death

This month, celebrated Santa Barbara life coach Annette Fluxey did so much goal-setting work with her clients that they all died earlier this week.

 

As a life coach, Fluxey has been revered for meeting one-on-one with as many as 20 clients a week to determine how to tackle each person’s individual issues. Fluxey’s aggressively empowering approach has gotten several clients to high-powered jobs, and happier lives, while others have just spontaneously combusted.

 

“People don’t really know this but seeing a life coach can be transformative for many clients,” says Fluxey. “For some that means changing the way they interact with the world on a day to day basis. For others it means finding their true potential and then becoming so overwhelmed by it that they burst into literal flames and die.”

 

Fluxey views death by empowerment to be a good thing, although she didn’t always see it that way. She claims that the first time a client was empowered to death, she was horrified, but the more times it happened she came to the conclusion that this was just par for the course.

 

“Every client should expect to emerge from life coaching utterly transformed. I mean that’s what you’re paying for,” says Fluxey. “If you haven’t gone into sudden cardiac arrest because you hit all your short term goals, just keep your head down and do the work. It’s only a matter of time before you too will achieve death.”

 

Fluxey is getting a lot of attention for the six client deaths her methods have caused.

 

“Annette has developed a system that is light-years ahead of her time,” says Carly Remington, a devoted client of Fluxey. “Any day now I will become the person I always dreamed of being and as I achieve my full potential, I just know I’ll immediately stroke out and die. Because according to Annette, that’s how you really change your life, ya know?”

 

Although some rave about her methods, others are understandably worried.

 

“The more deaths I hear about the less I want to work on self-betterment,” says Niles Garfer, a skeptic of Fluxey’s system. “Death? The whole point is to coach your life. I think she should go to jail.”

 

 

Despite mixed reviews, Fluxey claims the client is actually in charge of the session.

 

“My job is to unearth the client’s desired life, allowing them to feel fulfilled,” says Fluxey. “I mean, don’t you think if you achieved true balance you too would probably choke on your own empowerment and die?”

 

Sources confirm you probably wouldn’t. Unfortunately, we were unable to get comments from the clients in question, as they are no longer with us.

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