28-year-old Kevin Durvan makes a point to let people in his life know that he is heterosexual and also somehow finds a way to inform them he finds vaginas to be pretty weird if not gross.
“I have sex with women, I’m attracted to women,” says Durvan. “But like, vaginas? They’re yucky! I don’t spend much time really looking at them, but when I do, they freak me out! Just like, they’re wet and hot? Gross!”
Amazing that despite finding vaginas “nasty”, he is not interested in having sex with anyone else!
“I like other parts of women’s bodies, like boobs and stuff,” says Durvan. “But not hair that is not on her head.”
People who know Kevin don’t quite understand why he must make a point to declare this offensive statement so often and so relentlessly.
“It’s pretty fucked up,” says Jackson Connors. “It’s so uncool to just declare ‘vaginas are gross’. In my experience of my own penis, it is much much grosser.”
“Yeah, I dated Kevin for about two weeks,” says Lindsay Frank. “He was clearly interested in putting his dick in me but having as little contact with my actual vagina as possible. I would say it was the worst, well… No, yes, definitely the worst sex I’ve ever had.”
Go Kevin for insisting he likes the way vaginas feel to be inside of, just nothing else about them!
“I love having sex with women because some women are hot,” says Kevin. “Though I will say not all of them are hot and I’ll be sure to tell you which ones I find unattractive.”
Sources confirm Kevin’s extremely critical take on the general idea of a vagina doesn’t stop him from getting extremely defensive about his own parts.
“One time Kevin asked me if I liked his dick,” says an ex, who wishes to remain anonymous. “I said, ‘yeah!’ He felt that that wasn’t enthusiastic enough so I then spent two hours comforting him about his small lackluster penis.”
She continued, “It’s not a good penis, and he doesn’t know how to use it. So sex was double bad.”
Still, Kevin plans to proceed as usual by insulting vaginas everywhere.
“Not only is the look not super cute, but sometimes they smell kinda gross,” says Kevin, despite wearing dirty underwear that he stuffed his unshowered balls into this morning.