Woman With Job Just Steals Some Toothpaste for Some Reason

Laine Frankel, a full-time employee of a profitable business, decided to steal toothpaste from the grocery store for some reason, though she is perfectly capable of affording it on her own.


“I just wanted to feel something, live on the edge,” said Frankel, after admitting the theft. “It was thrilling to know I could get away with it.”


Frankel made it clear that she in no way needed to steal for financial reasons, the impetus for her petty larceny was purely a sense that she deserved a little something for running errands all day.


“I don’t even need toothpaste, I have so, so much at home,” Frankel added.


The stolen toothpaste would have set Frankel back less than three dollars, a negligible amount when juxtaposed with the cost of the rest of the groceries for which she nervously paid. She visibly stiffened up as she made her purchases, and slowly shuffled her way to the doors, sweating profusely and anticipating a chorus of security beeps as she passed through the theft detectors — only to do so in silence.



Passing that threshold without issue was deeply euphoric for Frankel, although she admits the nervous agitation of the entire endeavor agitated her Irritable Bowel Syndrome for a day or so.


Despite the nerves and the residual colonic discomfort, Frankel said she would totally do it again in a different supermarket, perhaps in a different state, during a time of day when there’s not too many employees.


“It was really a rush. I can’t imagine how it’d feel to take something bigger and more expensive, like a tube of Sensodyne.”


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