Woman Who’s Been off Facebook for Years Suddenly Comes Back Out the Gate Swinging

After nearly a three-year absence from Facebook, Marsha Statsky made an ecstatic return to Facebook: Without acknowledging her extended leave, she has suddenly come back out the gate swinging, posting several times an hour across the social platform.

 

The sudden deluge of posts has stunned Marsha’s friends and family, who all assumed she had deleted her account permanently back in 2015.

 

“I didn’t hear a peep out of her for years,” says her cousin, Amos. “Not a single post, viral video, or ‘Thanks for the birthday wishes.’ Then suddenly, she’s like Seabiscuit blasting out the gates at the racetrack.”

 

Marsha’s sudden onslaught of posts are as scattered in content as they are frequent. Since her return to Facebook, she has been seen hopping from politics to restaurant recommendations to throwback photos and back to politics, sometimes in the span of just a few minutes.

 

“It’s crazy,” her friend Joyce tells us. “I didn’t think Marsha knew what a meme was. Now she’s sharing ones I’ve never even heard of.”

 

There is no apparent explanation for Marsha’s sudden online activity, but speculation is running rampant. Some members of Marsha’s community are theorizing that she must have recently suffered a bad breakup. Others seem convinced she’s taking up acting again and has been advised to increase her social media presence. While no theories are yet confirmed, the likelihood of Marsha herself revealing her true motivation is extremely high, based on the sheer volume and unflinching autobiographical nature of her posts.

 

 

“She’s pouring her heart and soul into every post,” says Marsha’s sister, Bernadette. “I keep clicking ‘read more’ and ‘read more’, and there’s always more! She’s like the Tolstoy of Facebook, if Tolstoy described his recent dentist visit in detail and somehow spun it into something inspirational.”

 

“I can’t scroll for two seconds without seeing one of those damn pastel text boxes from Marsha,” says Marsha’s former schoolteacher, Mrs. Wing. “I don’t know how we ended up friends on here but I guess she’s the only person I get to hear from now?!”

 

What the future holds for Marsha is uncertain. The lifelong Georgian may disappear from Facebook as suddenly as she appeared. Or, she may continue to post 50 New York Times articles a day. While no one may ever know why Marsha returned to the platform so aggressively, we found one person who is absolutely thrilled she’s back.

 

“She finally accepted my friend request!” Marsha’s husband, Rob, tells us.

 

 

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