Woman Vocalizes Suicidal Feelings at Brunch but Melissa Talked Over It

Sharon Russo, 32, vocalized severe inclinations toward suicide at brunch Sunday morning, statements, which would have been the subject of the brunch table’s conversations if friend Melissa hadn’t talked over them. While the confession came at a vital, vulnerable time for Russo, it stood no chance against Melissa’s need to discuss her “crazy experience” with a rude cashier.



“It took me a while to muster the strength to let my closest friends know about my mental and emotional struggles, but when I finally said something, I don’t really think anyone heard me,” Russo tells reporters. “Melissa has a pretty commanding presence, I guess.”


Brunch organizer Rebecca Shield sensed a moment of disturbance halfway through the first mimosa round. “I think Sharon was saying something? But then Melissa started talking about how she bought the wrong kind of candle at Bath and Body Works so she didn’t get the buy-three-get-one deal and she only realized after she paid.”


“I thought the candle read ‘Pumpkin Spice Cupcake’ but when I took it home I realized that what I had actually bought was ‘Pumpkin Spice Candy,’ which is such a ‘me’ thing to do!” says Melissa, who thinks depression is “just negativity”. She adds, “Honestly, I don’t even really remember Sharon being at that brunch. She’s so quiet lately.”



Another brunch attendee, Emma Miller, also doesn’t remember Russo’s failed attempt. “Um, I remember Melissa saying this hilarious thing about candles? Also I think Sharon started crying at one point, which she does all the time these days,” says Miller, “but last time she told us it was her allergies, so she’s probably fine. She would tell us if something were up. The candle thing though—so ridiculous!”


While Melissa did blithely intercept Russo’s barely-mustered attempt at a cry for help, Russo says she blames her own bad timing for the interruption. “I should have known Melissa would have had a fun anecdote to share with the group. She’s full of fun anecdotes.” Sighing, Russo adds, “I used to have fun.”


When asked if Russo will try again at next week’s brunch to bring up her struggle with suicidal thoughts, Melissa immediately interrupted the interview to ask if we’d seen Borat.


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