Woman Tragically Gives Handjob with Non-Fitbit Hand

This week, 24-year-old Erin Adkins made the life-shattering mistake of giving a handjob using the hand that isn’t on her Fitbit arm. The tragedy left her short of her daily step goal and emotionally shaken.

 

While the official count has not been confirmed, officials say somewhere between 600 and 1,000 “steps” were lost that day, never to be tracked.

 

“I just can’t believe I did this,” Adkins told reporters. “What was the point of all that work if it wasn’t going to be accounted for?”

 

Her community has surrounded Adkins with support.

 

“I know that her Fitbit hasn’t awarded her for all the work she’s done,” explains friend and colleague, Judith Klum. “But we want her to know that to us, her steps still count.”

 

This is the most recent event in a national epidemic surrounding lost Fitbit steps. Women nationwide are forgetting to charge their wrist trackers or leaving them in the locker at the gym nearly every day.

 

We spoke to Adkins’ handjob recipient who wished to remain anonymous:

 

“I wish I would’ve noticed sooner ’cause she seemed pretty bummed out. It was like a really good HJ, so it was worth it for me, but I’m sorry for what she lost. I guess if I’d known she wasn’t getting steps out of it, maybe I would have asked for a beej.”

 

 

Local investigators say that in the end, it all comes down to human error, but Adkins still finds trouble forgiving herself for what she’s done.

 

“Even the parts where I got tired and rubbed on it slower would’ve tallied up enough steps to allow an extra bite of yogurt. But Fitbit would know. It would think I was lying to it. I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this anymore.”

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