After enduring a difficult breakup and several months readjusting to life as a single woman, it suddenly dawned on Denver resident Victoria Shermaine that her ex could be dating someone new. Even worse, he could be dating someone petite.
“This breakup forced me to readjust to a new reality. It was extremely difficult,” says Victoria. “But nothing will ever be as difficult as realizing that Dan could be dating a woman with a small frame who has ‘always been this way’ and can wear little shorts because her butt fits in them.”
While her friends have tried to comfort her, Victoria sees no solution to this problem besides looking at his Instagram and guessing which tiny woman he follows he’s madly in love with.
“I understand that at some point he’ll inevitably move on,” says Victoria. “But if he moves on with a woman who he has to lean down to kiss I will, of course, die.”
Sources confirm that while there is so far no evidence whatsoever that Victoria’s ex is seeing anyone else, she is convinced any minute now he’ll appear with a small-boned woman wearing a small dress and no bra by his side.
Those close to the former couple have done their best to stop Victoria from spinning out of control.
“I tried to explain that Dan is just as sad as she is about the breakup,” says Marlie Jarvis, Victoria’s best friend. “But she can’t stop asking if his new girlfriend is under 5’6” or not. At drinks the other night she said, ‘If her feet are smaller than a size 7 just fucking kill me, honestly.’”
“I thought she was doing better,” says Victoria’s roommate Mitch Andrews. “But last night she woke me up at 4 AM and screamed, ‘What if he picks her up during sex?’”
After diving deep into his Instagram likes and Venmo purchases, Victoria was able to conclude that he consistently gets dinner with a woman named Savannah Gordon.
Upon investigating further, Victoria found a picture of the woman in question and dropped her phone out of pure shock.
“She’s so tall. She looks just like me,” she whispered, haunted. “This is worse than I could have ever imagined.”
