With the worst of the winter in our rearview mirror and the best of the summer still painfully out of reach, Linda Forrest has begun her approach to the sweet spot between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.
“I look forward to these few weeks every year,” said Linda. “Not having to complain about it being too hot or too cold gives me so much more time to focus on other things.”
Linda, who only shuts up during a very narrow spectrum of meteorological conditions, elaborated on how important this sliver of springtime is to her.
“It’s so rare that I get to go outside and feel neutral about the weather,” said Linda. “The early spring has such a magic. And for me, that magic is not feeling absolutely obligated to kvetch to everyone I see about how cold or hot it is.”
“For a few brief moments, I feel free,” she added.
For Linda’s friends and coworkers, the end of winter is a temporary respite after months of tolerating Linda’s climate gripes.
“Well, I’m a fan of the springtime anyway,” said Linda’s coworker, Jane Li. “But it’s definitely a huge bonus that Linda shuts the hell up about the weather for a couple weeks once it’s here. To be honest, the cherry blossoms and the fucking silence can’t come fast enough.”
“By March, I’m at the end of my rope with listening to her bitch about how cold it is,” said Bill Kenney, a longtime friend of Linda’s. “I’m so glad it’s finally room temperature outside so she’s forced to talk about literally anything else.”
And Linda seems to be on the same page.
“Having to whine about the forecast all the time gets exhausting,” said Linda, prematurely packing up all her winter sweaters and bringing out her capri pants. “So I’m excited to take a few weeks off from it.”
“I just hope it doesn’t rain at all,” she added. “I don’t like to drive in the rain.”
