Reports have come out of brunch this morning state that Jennifer Walker, self-appointed television connoisseur, aggressively recommended yet another Netflix series to her friends despite their clear lack of interest.
Jennifer, whose entire self-worth hinges on being the dominant pop culture authority in her friend group, is constantly peddling various Netflix shows with a fervor typically reserved for urging friends to call their senators.
“Well, I just started watching Black Mirror,” says Walker. “So I implored all my friends to watch it. It is amazing. They’d be fucking morons not to watch. In the first episode, the prime minister is forced to make the choice between letting a woman die or having sex with a pig on live TV! This is something everyone would love unless they’re dumb idiots.”
Her regular brunch companions, Leah Rivera and Tiffany Powell, did not seem to agree. In fact, they rarely take Jennifer’s suggestions because they’re busy with work, friends, and watching their own fucking shows.
“Jen is so intense about recommending shows,” says Powell. “Sometimes I just say I’ll watch them because if I don’t she won’t let go. One time she even offered to pay for my Hulu so I would finally watch The Good Wife. When I said ‘no thanks’ she screamed into a pillow for like five minutes.”
Indeed, over brunch, Walker did become violent when Rivera confessed that she still hadn’t watched Stranger Things.
“I just saw red,” says Walker. “I got so mad I honestly blacked out. How the hell hasn’t she watched that show?! The second season is coming out in literal weeks. I could punch a wall!”
A waiter at the scene confirms that Walker actually did attempt to punch a wall, but was talked out of it when Rivera promised to watch the first episode right there at the table.
“It was so crazy,” says Rivera. “Plus, the reason I haven’t watched Stranger Things is because Jennifer has basically spoiled the entire plot playing A.V. Club blogger.”
The women continue to get brunch with their aggressive friend, even as Walker continues to violently recommend Netflix content to them.
“At least she’s not screaming at us about the news,” says Powell.
“Oh yeah,” explains Walker. “I don’t really follow politics. I’m too busy!”