Gabby Thompson’s Baltimore accounting office was sent reeling this week when they learned that she, despite being a womb-owning, breast-possessing, menstruation-having woman, does not have innate understanding or interest in the moon. During a meeting with colleagues, Thompson, the only woman in her entire company, was asked if she enjoyed the recent “Supermoon.” She responded, “Oh that happened? Umm, yeah, I don’t really follow the moon.”
“Of course I thought Gabby was kidding,” says co-worker Brian Harris. “I mean, she’s the only woman here, so obviously no one expects her to be funny. But she did get a huge laugh with that one. Like, ‘ha ha, yeah, Gabby doesn’t have special lady connections to the moon.’ Right!”
Thompson explains: “After I said that, everyone was silent. They were stunned. So I tried to explain that like most women, I don’t have inborn knowledge of the moon or lunar cycles. I explained that, beyond what I learned in Astronomy 101, I probably didn’t know any more about the moon than they did.” This resulted in, as Thompson puts it, “shock, disbelief, then just outright anger.”
Thompson’s colleagues subsequently cited her affinity for Luna Bars as evidence of an irrefutable connection between her and the moon. When pressed on this, she responded, “I eat them because they taste good. You guys would like them too.” The statement was followed by a longer, embroiled silence.
“Gabby was really being disruptive and inappropriate.” said boss Bruce Davidson in the HR Report filed on the matter.
Thompson is now looking for a new position at a more understanding company, where there might be at least one other woman on staff. “And no, I don’t crave dark chocolate or yogurt,” She wrote in her resignation letter. “I prefer milk chocolate and pudding. And to just make it really clear, I don’t prefer eating them under the light of the moon, either.”