Millennials initially gave us hope for a better future. The first generation raised with advanced technology, they possess every tool needed to shape a new world of media and digital communication. But millennials have disappointed us at every turn. In addition to not being the superheroes of the future we expected, I am also abhorred by their reckless tendency to annihilate my vagina.
Millennials are uniquely irresponsible compared to other generations. Unlike the ones that preceded them, millennials don’t plan for retirement, aren’t into traditional family roles, and utterly destroy my vagina whenever I fuck one of them. This is not the future I asked for!
If you’re wondering how, let’s take a look at the facts: According to Forbes, millennials are too burdened by debt to think about saving. Between hefty student loan payments and the high cost of modern living, they simply don’t have much money left over. This may explain why they take advantage of life’s simple pleasures – like absolutely wrecking my vagina – whenever possible.
Younger folks also tend to be more concerned with living in the moment. Statistics show they’re now getting married and having children later in life, if at all. This could explain why they fuck the shit out of my vagina so intensely. What better way to say, “I’m not ready for kids” than having worry-free rough sex with an older, less fertile woman? To millennials, the ability to annihilate my vagina represents freedom of choice.
While our parents and grandparents may have been able to live comfortably with one job, today’s young adults are often stuck working two or three jobs at a time just to make ends meet. Since they’re forced to be more motivated than previous generations, my vagina also symbolizes the workforce they plunge into and utterly ruin right after college. In fact, post-college millennials are the demographic most likely to tear my vag to shreds.
Plus, even if they do land steady jobs, they’re less likely to stay. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, less than 50% of adults born in the 80s and 90s stay at one job for longer than a few years. While this may seem like a bad thing, it actually means they’re more likely to jump at new opportunities the same way they jump at my naked body and then into the shallow pool of my vagina, hitting the bottom so hard it breaks.
Based on a study conducted in my bedroom, the successors of Gen X have remarkably high sex drives. After being bent over and pounded by millennials of various genders and sexual orientations, I’ve concluded that the vast majority of them are extra enthusiastic about a trip to bone-town. While our society often admires the hard work and dedication of Baby Boomers, their motivation simply doesn’t measure up when it comes to destroying my vag. Believe me, I’ve done the research.
So what does this mean for the future? Apparently, that’s not our concern. With an entire generation focused on how to survive in the present, the future is left a mystery. Will they prove us all wrong and become successful later in life? Will they raise an even stronger generation? Will they always be able to stay awake for an all-night fuckfest that obliterates my nether region? Only time will tell.